So it was a big bash at The House the day after Thanksgiving. Lots of food, plenty of alcohol, and lots of friends, both old and new. This evening the particular distraction of choice was a game the roommates and I had been talking about for a while - Condom Poker.
Now, there are two options for playing this game. One is to assign different chip values depending on different attributes of the condoms - red packages, black packages, etc. The other is to just go one-for-one... each condom is worth one unit of betting. The evening was quite the success - although I would reccomend more than 12 units as a starting value - we had 8 players and ended up "resetting" a few times by redisributing the condoms, just to keep the game going
If you don't feel like spending plenty of money, you can actually get mixed bags of condoms from Planned Parenthood - usually for $1 or $2 for a good 10-20 condoms.
Of course, part of the fun of this is actually getting new condoms to try out and have fun with. I've got quite the quiver of new ones to try out, and on the roommate's suggestion will review the new ones as they are used. For comparison, my usual condom is the Durex Extra Sensitive - in the purple package. I avoid condoms lubricated with Nonoxonyl 9 because one of my usual partners is allergic.
That very evening, my partner and I tried the Kimono condom with Aqua Lube - distributed by Mayer Labs in Oakland. Red foil package, usually avilable in adult stores instead of your usual grocery store. Standard packaging was easy to open in the heat of the moment. The condom itself is a little thick, moreso than even "usual" condoms, but also seemed very sturdy. It still transmitted heat and friction and such pretty well, and seemed to roll on fairly easily.
The lube included on the condom was also decent for vaginal sex. No word yet on the usefulness for anal - although the sturdy nature of this condom would lend itself very well to that particular activity. Taste is pretty standard, but not disgusting.
Worth a try if you want something fairly sturdy. It comes reccomended by the clerks at my favorite store, and while I'm not going to say it's an AMAZING condom, it will stand up to some pretty damn athletic sex.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
The Breakfast Standard
I tend to have a very simple end-all standard for who I will or will not play with - I ask myself one simple question. Would I like to have breakfast with this person?
I got this standard from The Slut. Before then, I didn't really have an articulated standard. She, however, planted this idea in my head at the time lots of my other ideas about sex were morphing and changing. And for the most part, this standard has served me very well.
There has been a lot of discussion in my house about the meaning and usefulness of this standard. I live with two boys - one gay boy whose standards tend to be more flexible than mine, and one straight boy who will purposefully go years without a bed buddy while waiting for someone it feels "right" with.
Don't get me wrong - for all of my belief in openness about sexuality, I am a firm believer that everyone should have the right and the freedom to choose their own. Whatever it may be. Want to wait until you're married to The One, and only ever do it with the lights off and the covers pulled over both of you? If both of you are into it, then more power to you. Want to sleep with a new person every night, and two on Saturdays? Do it safely, and maintain your mental health, and go for it.
The point is - standards are not one-size-fits-all. Or even one size fits most adults.
The breakfast standard seems to be a good one. It indicates that I actually enjoy talking to a person enough that the 1/2 hour or so of conversation over scrambled eggs would not be painful. It also indicates I wouldn't mind looking at them enough to make the eye contact of conversation. It also indicates that if they woke up in my bed, or visa versa, I wouldn't be scared and tempted to gnaw my arm off.
There's only been once I broke this standard. It was one of the two times I went home with someone from the bar. The highlights of this evening included:
Falling off the bed. Twice. Both times, I was in such a position I couldn't stop us from falling, and we went literally head over heels. I had bruises the next morning, and not the good kind.
The "whoops, sorry, I aimed wrong" excuse. I'm actually mildly into back door activities (not to put too fine a point on it) but you don't just spring that on someone with no warning, no making sure it's ok, and NO LUBE. BAD idea dude... -30 points and no invitation back.
Waking up to find a giant rosary on the wall. Literally giant. As in the crucifix was a good 2 feet across. Yeeek. Not what one wants to see after an evening of fairly bad sex.
He didn't get my number, didn't get a second chance, or even get morning nookie.
The flipside is, when you do fit that standard, and especially if you happen to be lucky enough to be in my home, then you do get breakfast... I'll make you toast from homemade bread, scrambled eggs, maybe even throw in some bacon or sausage.
No matter how cavalierly you choose to approach it, sex can be and is somehow intimate. Food is as well - there is a reason many very conservative religions have strict rules about both. And if I'm not willing to share my table, then I can't picture myself sharing my bed.
I got this standard from The Slut. Before then, I didn't really have an articulated standard. She, however, planted this idea in my head at the time lots of my other ideas about sex were morphing and changing. And for the most part, this standard has served me very well.
There has been a lot of discussion in my house about the meaning and usefulness of this standard. I live with two boys - one gay boy whose standards tend to be more flexible than mine, and one straight boy who will purposefully go years without a bed buddy while waiting for someone it feels "right" with.
Don't get me wrong - for all of my belief in openness about sexuality, I am a firm believer that everyone should have the right and the freedom to choose their own. Whatever it may be. Want to wait until you're married to The One, and only ever do it with the lights off and the covers pulled over both of you? If both of you are into it, then more power to you. Want to sleep with a new person every night, and two on Saturdays? Do it safely, and maintain your mental health, and go for it.
The point is - standards are not one-size-fits-all. Or even one size fits most adults.
The breakfast standard seems to be a good one. It indicates that I actually enjoy talking to a person enough that the 1/2 hour or so of conversation over scrambled eggs would not be painful. It also indicates I wouldn't mind looking at them enough to make the eye contact of conversation. It also indicates that if they woke up in my bed, or visa versa, I wouldn't be scared and tempted to gnaw my arm off.
There's only been once I broke this standard. It was one of the two times I went home with someone from the bar. The highlights of this evening included:
Falling off the bed. Twice. Both times, I was in such a position I couldn't stop us from falling, and we went literally head over heels. I had bruises the next morning, and not the good kind.
The "whoops, sorry, I aimed wrong" excuse. I'm actually mildly into back door activities (not to put too fine a point on it) but you don't just spring that on someone with no warning, no making sure it's ok, and NO LUBE. BAD idea dude... -30 points and no invitation back.
Waking up to find a giant rosary on the wall. Literally giant. As in the crucifix was a good 2 feet across. Yeeek. Not what one wants to see after an evening of fairly bad sex.
He didn't get my number, didn't get a second chance, or even get morning nookie.
The flipside is, when you do fit that standard, and especially if you happen to be lucky enough to be in my home, then you do get breakfast... I'll make you toast from homemade bread, scrambled eggs, maybe even throw in some bacon or sausage.
No matter how cavalierly you choose to approach it, sex can be and is somehow intimate. Food is as well - there is a reason many very conservative religions have strict rules about both. And if I'm not willing to share my table, then I can't picture myself sharing my bed.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Drunk
I'm very drunk. I'm going to get laid when I go to bed. And I feel guilty about it because my best friend may not be. This probably means my lessons in being selfish aren't going so well....
At the same time, there is so much to be said for knowing I'm getting some tonight. I wouldn't give it up. Unless it assured the best friend a lifetime of happiness. Ah, if only life were that simple.
Drunk sex = slightly contemplitive, but mostly into it. Yay.
At the same time, there is so much to be said for knowing I'm getting some tonight. I wouldn't give it up. Unless it assured the best friend a lifetime of happiness. Ah, if only life were that simple.
Drunk sex = slightly contemplitive, but mostly into it. Yay.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Tall Woman
The questions I hear
Because I am fairly obvious, in some online circles, about my height and size, every once in a while I get a horny net geek of some flavor asking me 10000 questions specifically about my height and or size. They always try to be "subtle" and it never works. Today as I was humoring another one of these, I realized I've answered most of these questions many many many times.
Mostly I answer them because they aren't really personally identifiable, and I recognize that there are curious people. There are questions I won't answer, but that's usually determined by how nice someone has been to me and/or what kind of a mood I'm in as opposed to the question itself.
However, for those of you who are really *that* interested in fetishizing height - here's the top 10 or so questions I usually get asked.
1- How tall are you?
Six foot four inches. On a good day.
2- No, how tall are you really?
What reason did I have to lie to you in the first place? Do you think I tell people I'm six four just for the hell of it? Because I think it will be fun? Since "how tall are you" is usually the opening line of the hng, it's tempting to lie. However, at this point, I'm willing to entertain the idea that perhaps they are another tall woman looking to talk shop. That, and I tend to not lie. It's not my thing. So don't insult me by assuming that the first two lines of conversation I have with you are a lie.
3- Do you like being that tall?
What kind of question is this. It's not like being tall is the one controlling factor of my life, 24-7. Sure, some days I love it. Other days I hate it. I've never known anything different- I've been "taller" than most my age for as long as I can remember.
4- What size shoes do you wear?
This is usually where I separate those that are interested in my feet from those interested in my height. Or even if it's someone who is just curious, it's also usually where I start getting frustrated and annoyed. I wear big shoes. Yes, I have to special-order them. Yes, I have to go to drag-queen-supply vendors to actually buy some of my best shoes and boots.
5- What's the tallest heel you wear?
Again, why the hell does it really matter? Five and a half inches, if you have to know. Yes, I like wearing those shoes.
6- Would you date a shorter man?
At this point, I'm assuming you're a horny net geek for a thing with tall women. Nothing wrong with that, but damn, talk about reducing yourself down to one thing. Does being shorter define your life? Do you like people peppering you with questions about nothing but the one unusual physical characteristic about you, then saying "but would you date someone like that"? Sorry, unless you're paying me a significant amount of money, I'm going to forever remain a multi-dimensional human being.
And when it comes to those I have been with (the entire range from committed relationship to one night stand, both men and women) most have been shorter than me. I'd get significatnly less play if I insisted that everyone be taller than me. This doesn't mean I'm going to "date" (however you define that) you, the creep asking me this question.
7- Do you play basketball?
I'm not even going add validity to this question by offering an answer.
8- I am (insert height measurement here) tall. Where on you would I come up to?
This seems to be a gentle way of asking "would I be looking directly at your chest? Since that's where you'd be looking at anyway, the answer doesn't really matter.
9- Would you bend down to kiss someone?
Not you. Not after playing 20-questions. (OK, there was that one game of twenty questions at a party... but that was the fun kind. And I wasn't the only one answering questions.)
10- What's your inseam?
Ah, the ones with a thing for long legs. Or the ones who want me to keep talking but don't know what else to ask. It's longer than most women's pants. Enough said.
11- Would you...
Oh god. I get such a list of things under this one. Some of the samplings (and I am not joking about a single one of these) are:
~stomp on bugs with big heels?
~kick over your head?
~wrap your legs around (insert body part here)?
~send me pictures of your feet?
~send me pictures of your legs?
~send me pictures of etc etc etc
~look over the bathroom stall door at me?
The list goes on.
The point is, be nice, treat me like a human, and get to know me, and I'll probably happily answer any of your questions and/or indulge your weird fantasies. I am tall, I usually like it, and I find it oddly powerful at times. This doesn't mean I like to play 20 questions about it all the freaking time.
Get it? Got it? Good.
Because I am fairly obvious, in some online circles, about my height and size, every once in a while I get a horny net geek of some flavor asking me 10000 questions specifically about my height and or size. They always try to be "subtle" and it never works. Today as I was humoring another one of these, I realized I've answered most of these questions many many many times.
Mostly I answer them because they aren't really personally identifiable, and I recognize that there are curious people. There are questions I won't answer, but that's usually determined by how nice someone has been to me and/or what kind of a mood I'm in as opposed to the question itself.
However, for those of you who are really *that* interested in fetishizing height - here's the top 10 or so questions I usually get asked.
1- How tall are you?
Six foot four inches. On a good day.
2- No, how tall are you really?
What reason did I have to lie to you in the first place? Do you think I tell people I'm six four just for the hell of it? Because I think it will be fun? Since "how tall are you" is usually the opening line of the hng, it's tempting to lie. However, at this point, I'm willing to entertain the idea that perhaps they are another tall woman looking to talk shop. That, and I tend to not lie. It's not my thing. So don't insult me by assuming that the first two lines of conversation I have with you are a lie.
3- Do you like being that tall?
What kind of question is this. It's not like being tall is the one controlling factor of my life, 24-7. Sure, some days I love it. Other days I hate it. I've never known anything different- I've been "taller" than most my age for as long as I can remember.
4- What size shoes do you wear?
This is usually where I separate those that are interested in my feet from those interested in my height. Or even if it's someone who is just curious, it's also usually where I start getting frustrated and annoyed. I wear big shoes. Yes, I have to special-order them. Yes, I have to go to drag-queen-supply vendors to actually buy some of my best shoes and boots.
5- What's the tallest heel you wear?
Again, why the hell does it really matter? Five and a half inches, if you have to know. Yes, I like wearing those shoes.
6- Would you date a shorter man?
At this point, I'm assuming you're a horny net geek for a thing with tall women. Nothing wrong with that, but damn, talk about reducing yourself down to one thing. Does being shorter define your life? Do you like people peppering you with questions about nothing but the one unusual physical characteristic about you, then saying "but would you date someone like that"? Sorry, unless you're paying me a significant amount of money, I'm going to forever remain a multi-dimensional human being.
And when it comes to those I have been with (the entire range from committed relationship to one night stand, both men and women) most have been shorter than me. I'd get significatnly less play if I insisted that everyone be taller than me. This doesn't mean I'm going to "date" (however you define that) you, the creep asking me this question.
7- Do you play basketball?
I'm not even going add validity to this question by offering an answer.
8- I am (insert height measurement here) tall. Where on you would I come up to?
This seems to be a gentle way of asking "would I be looking directly at your chest? Since that's where you'd be looking at anyway, the answer doesn't really matter.
9- Would you bend down to kiss someone?
Not you. Not after playing 20-questions. (OK, there was that one game of twenty questions at a party... but that was the fun kind. And I wasn't the only one answering questions.)
10- What's your inseam?
Ah, the ones with a thing for long legs. Or the ones who want me to keep talking but don't know what else to ask. It's longer than most women's pants. Enough said.
11- Would you...
Oh god. I get such a list of things under this one. Some of the samplings (and I am not joking about a single one of these) are:
~stomp on bugs with big heels?
~kick over your head?
~wrap your legs around (insert body part here)?
~send me pictures of your feet?
~send me pictures of your legs?
~send me pictures of etc etc etc
~look over the bathroom stall door at me?
The list goes on.
The point is, be nice, treat me like a human, and get to know me, and I'll probably happily answer any of your questions and/or indulge your weird fantasies. I am tall, I usually like it, and I find it oddly powerful at times. This doesn't mean I like to play 20 questions about it all the freaking time.
Get it? Got it? Good.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Two Hours
Two hours of pure sex.
I'm not talking foreplay.
I'm not talking the after-cuddling.
I'm not even talking about the orgasms beforehand.
I'm talking about two hours of pounding-the-headboard, gripping-the-pillow, making-the-legs-go-numb, forget-it-grab-the-lube, bend-me-over, pull-my-hair, kissing-every-inch, I'm-cumming-again, can't-walk, bruised-in-the-morning, lets-try-this, vibrating-limbs, pure sex.
There are many reasons having a more-than-once bed buddy can be good. One of them is nights like that, the nights that wear you out so much that you're still too worn out to have a morning quickie when the alarm goes off (damn it).
Yes, it is possible to have nights like that with one-night stands. But they are much less likely. They are also much less awkward with more-than-one-nighters, since lines like "uhmmm... my leg is numb... you're going to have to help me roll off you" much more funny.
And they make a girl realize why she puts up with the scheit of everyday dating life.
I'm not talking foreplay.
I'm not talking the after-cuddling.
I'm not even talking about the orgasms beforehand.
I'm talking about two hours of pounding-the-headboard, gripping-the-pillow, making-the-legs-go-numb, forget-it-grab-the-lube, bend-me-over, pull-my-hair, kissing-every-inch, I'm-cumming-again, can't-walk, bruised-in-the-morning, lets-try-this, vibrating-limbs, pure sex.
There are many reasons having a more-than-once bed buddy can be good. One of them is nights like that, the nights that wear you out so much that you're still too worn out to have a morning quickie when the alarm goes off (damn it).
Yes, it is possible to have nights like that with one-night stands. But they are much less likely. They are also much less awkward with more-than-one-nighters, since lines like "uhmmm... my leg is numb... you're going to have to help me roll off you" much more funny.
And they make a girl realize why she puts up with the scheit of everyday dating life.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Props for consideration
Story related from a good male friend of mine (relayed with permission):
After breaking up with my boyfriend, I ended up having a threesome. The next few days after, I discovered that I'd contracted scabies along the way somewhere. In the USA, the treatment options for this are very limited, and very expensive. However, living only a few hours from Tijuana, it is possible to buy medications that are prescription-only in the USA over the counter and cheaply. A roadtrip later, I came home with enough medication for everyone.
I have to say, I give this friend props for his handling of this situation for two major reasons - one, that he was nice enough to pick up the treatment for everyone involved. Two , that he actually had phone numbers to call and say "I may have given you something, but hey, take this." It's more consideration than most would ever show.
After breaking up with my boyfriend, I ended up having a threesome. The next few days after, I discovered that I'd contracted scabies along the way somewhere. In the USA, the treatment options for this are very limited, and very expensive. However, living only a few hours from Tijuana, it is possible to buy medications that are prescription-only in the USA over the counter and cheaply. A roadtrip later, I came home with enough medication for everyone.
I have to say, I give this friend props for his handling of this situation for two major reasons - one, that he was nice enough to pick up the treatment for everyone involved. Two , that he actually had phone numbers to call and say "I may have given you something, but hey, take this." It's more consideration than most would ever show.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Glossary: Munch and Snowball
I've noticed that the search engines seem to be sending traffic my way via searches that include the words "what is" or "how to". For this reason, I'm introducing a Glossary feature to help explain some of the search terms that show up more often and/or I get asked about. Want to see something specific? Email your question to this blog name at Gmail.
Munch
This term can be used in many different situations, with many different definitions. However, as I usually use it and as most kinksters use it, it means a BDSM and/or kink and/or swingers meetup. These are NOT Play Parties, where comparatively dirty stuff happens, but rather a casual lunch meetup of some kind. They are usually held in public places (although a semi-private area or back room), and fetish wear is usually discouraged. Going to just see what it's all about is encouraged- it's the non-threatening, non-scary way to meet people into something other than "vanilla."
I've yet to see a place that doesn't have a munch of some kind within an hour's drive, and most of the time they seem to be held on a regular basis - once a month or two.
Snowball
A "snowball" is a move during oral sex - sometimes people are into these, sometimes not. It's best to check first with your partner before doing it.
The nuts and bolts of this move: when your male partner is about to orgasm, make sure a large portion of the ejaculate gets into your mouth. Do NOT swallow or spit. Kiss your partner, full-on-the-mouth French, and pass the ejaculate into their mouth.
Like I said, some are into this, some are not. So check first!
Munch
This term can be used in many different situations, with many different definitions. However, as I usually use it and as most kinksters use it, it means a BDSM and/or kink and/or swingers meetup. These are NOT Play Parties, where comparatively dirty stuff happens, but rather a casual lunch meetup of some kind. They are usually held in public places (although a semi-private area or back room), and fetish wear is usually discouraged. Going to just see what it's all about is encouraged- it's the non-threatening, non-scary way to meet people into something other than "vanilla."
I've yet to see a place that doesn't have a munch of some kind within an hour's drive, and most of the time they seem to be held on a regular basis - once a month or two.
Snowball
A "snowball" is a move during oral sex - sometimes people are into these, sometimes not. It's best to check first with your partner before doing it.
The nuts and bolts of this move: when your male partner is about to orgasm, make sure a large portion of the ejaculate gets into your mouth. Do NOT swallow or spit. Kiss your partner, full-on-the-mouth French, and pass the ejaculate into their mouth.
Like I said, some are into this, some are not. So check first!
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